| Tell me how I'm suppose to carry out the jolly attitude this world demands when I feel like self-destructing on the inside? Everyone tells me to stop being so depressed, but has anyone shown me how? Because I can't do it. Nothing's been working out, and today feels as horrible as the first. |
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| Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
Itself upon me distracting, reacting
Against my will, I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in |
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| I decided to join Gamelan class. Well, at least to try it out... meeting up Wednesday night. I also wanted to do boxing. My first private session was suppose to be tonight, but I decided to cancel. Boxing at the place I booked a session at is expensive. I think I'm just going to join some sort of martial art class next quarter at UCR instead (much cheaper)... Aikido, Karate, or Judo? Hmmm...
Anyway, I really want to get out of this place, to leave the country if I could. But I guess the earliest wouldn't be until this summer. Thinking about a trip to China to learn the guqin, taiji, and Chinese calligraphy. If I end up going, it'll be for a month from mid-July to mid-August. But at the same time, I really want to go on another STM trip to China. Don't know which to choose. :/ As for the next school year, I'm going to try to apply to some South Africa study abroad programs. Hope I get something. :P
Oh yeah, I got inked last Saturday night. I quite like it. :)
I've been getting random headaches/migraines. Not sure what's wrong. -.-#
Besides those things... life is same old, same old. I'm stuck being like... this, and I'm beginning to discover that I'm too weak to overcome.
There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear
Is never ending, controlling |
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| 
the Clan of Longboarders 8) |
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