|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| When you're standing with hollowed bones
Staring at the rock learning to be a stone
There's no where else to slide
The scattered pigments, they glide
Through the estranged visions of tomorrow
Where mobs run the sad clown into the wallow
When empty processions clouds the gold
And you're left with a hand of cards to fold
Peace will drive lovers insane
Eagles will crash and burn at the window panes
When tears will be bled through the pores of infants
Societies will collectively become deviants | | |
| I woke up early so I can start on my term paper, but instead of doing that, my grandmother came into my room to talk some sense into me. She wants me to be friends with the entire world. Well, I guess to be more specific, my grandmother wants me to be friends with all the boys and men that's ever liked/loved me or that I've liked/loved. Four words: never going to happen. I mean, most of the time there's no hard feelings, and we can be friends. But just friends, as in on a very superficial and light level, without any of the deeper components that brings someone onto the good friend stage.
My grandmother's telling me about all her past dating experiences (nothing I haven't heard of before... I talk to my grandmother quite a lot). Honestly, I wish life really was that simple, and that my worries only consisted of this one thing. But it doesn't, and I'm slowly pushing that part out of my life. I have term papers to write, midterms and finals not to fail, money to make so I can pay for food and unfortunate happenings in life, my future to figure out, how I can be a contribution to this society, and etc. There's a part of me that was left behind with the guy I last fell for (specifically, my left ventricle), but that's it. I'm leaving that part of my heart behind, and I'm moving on with my life. I still miss him, and I still want him solely for myself, but there's nothing I can/will do about it now. The most I can do is think about him every so often, and then drink to it. Dating and relationships are such sweet little things in life we've been gifted with, but something so grand can really make or kill you. I guess I've spent the last month and a half switching back and forth from the two. But at this point, I'm beginning to understand that I need to go on ahead with my life, stronger than ever. I'm still absolutely mesmerized by him, but now I truly wish not to see him until either we can be together or that I'm over him. It's finally time to live and let die (referring to 21 Guns by Green Day, not James Bonds). I know what's worth fighting for, and what's not worth dying for.
My grandmother told me I'm exceptionally clever. She said it's not something she say to people lightly and that she's seen a lot of people in her lifetime, so if she thinks I'm brilliant, I must truly be great. To that I responded with, "there are millions of people not as bright as me, and yet still millions more with greater intelligence than me. But even if I really was that cleaver, it can still be arguable that it's a bad thing. With great knowledge comes greater sorrows." | | |
| Eyes on the prize, kid! Eyes on the prize! (will possibly expand this post after I finish my term paper). | | |
| My grandmother once told me, "Where we come from, people are lucky we don't pick on them, let alone pick on us." They referred to my grandmother as 大姐 (da jie), kind of like how they would refer to Chinese gangster bosses as 大哥 (da ge).
When I first got here, it wasn't that no one picked on me (being a foreigner and all), it just wasn't worth mentioning to neither of my parents nor to my teachers. I attended both Camino Real Elementary School, and Longley Way Elementary School. In both schools, there were certain kids that just felt like it was their privilege to make the newcomer's life like crap. Needless to say, being the foreigner, I was poked fun of for a while at both schools. There were always girls and boys bigger and taller than me. I was a short little skinny kid back then... though I was never weak. I never fought a fight in neither of those schools, but I can't say I didn't punch or kick people. What can I say? I guess maybe they just didn't expect I'd be able to hit so hard. I will always remember socking a guy in the stomach, expecting him to fight back, to which he actually responded by falling to the floor, retreating to a fetal position. So though I was picked on, I always stood up for myself, and no one ever messed with me after what I did.
Tonight I went out to a hot pot restaurant my mom, grandmother, and I often visit. You can get a taste for a variety of asian styled goodies there including: Chinese, Thai, Korean, and Japanese food. Being in such an asian environment, I never thought this would be the place where racism would go on (at least not racism against the asians). Everything started out okay at first. It wasn't until almost towards the end of dinner, did I start picking up what the next table over was saying about my family. I can't read or write Chinese, but when I'm with my family, I always talk to them in cantonese. Apparently, the mud-bloods next to me thought it'll be okay to talk crap about Chinese people and their lack of understanding for the English language, specifically referring to my table. They went on and on for about 5 minutes before they stopped. The whole time I could feel my blood boiling as I listened and made sure of if I was hearing it all correctly. Finally, I told my family that the people at the table next to us are making fun of us. Then I turned over, looked the obese lady who started it all in the eye, and said, "You fat bitch, if you have something to say, say it to my face!" From there it was like all hell let loose. She actually tried denying what she had said before, to which I responded with, "Do you think I'm deaf? Or did you just think you're the only one that understands English in America?" I was so pissed off that I actually sized both her date and her up, making notes of if I can take them or not and how.
It's ironic because my mom always warns me to not piss people off on the road (even when I'm right), never knowing what kind of weapons the other person may have on them. Well, tonight the table was turned, and I was the one with the knife. I was ready to fight. You have to understand that I've been stuck in a really pissy mood lately. It's actually quite easy to set me off these days. This was simply the cherry on top of the ice cream bomb.
So of course, she continued to deny ever saying anything bad about us, even though when she did she clearly referred to the table to her left (us). I had absolutely no respect left for her at that point. I mean come on... if you're going to talk crap, at least admit to it. Though it was probably good she was afraid to because if she had continued to add to the fire, I think I really would've lost it and punched her out. From there, her boyfriend would probably try to hit me, but my Marine-trained older brother would've definitely took care of that. At the end of it all, I'll probably get arrested, and instead of writing about it here, I'll probably be at the police station explaining what had happened to the cops right now.
The funny thing was that the entire time I argued with the lady next to me, my grandmother sat across from me chuckling in a way that made me feel like she was proud that she had a granddaughter that wasn't afraid to stand up for her family and herself. I AM my grandmother's favorite grandchild afterall. :P
Anyway, shortly after I called them out on being racist, they got the check and left, embarrassed. If this ever happens again, I'll do it all over because I'm not someone you can just talk crap behind my back about and expect for me to just let it go. I didn't just let it go at age seven, and I'm not about to now either. | | |
| So after sitting in on Rodalla yesterday, I planned on driving back to L.A. after stopping for an oil change. That was around 5:30 pm or so. Soon after I learned that what my car needed was not an oil change, but a motor oil change. Eugene insisted that I use 100% synthetic oil, so I had to go look for that, eventually arriving at the 76 Gas Station just before the Blaine entrance to fwy 60. Long story short, after the mechanic graciously helped me fill up on 3 bottles of motor oil, he told me my engine was probably shot (cause it still made a grinding sound). He recommended I get my car towed. I called my mom and after she consulted my brother, they decided I probably should get it towed. Called AAA, Lawrence (the guy on the other end) told me AAA should be there no later than 7:30 pm. Since I had no internet, I decided to watch Big Wednesday (1978) on my laptop with Sennheiser headphones (<--- seriously mate, good headphones make everything better). While it was still early on in the movie, I saw lights shining right at me... AAA showed up. Though they sent someone, they told me they can't tow me until 8:10-8:30 pm because he doesn't have the right truck for the job, and they're short-handed at the moment. The funny thing was, even though he couldn't tow me, we saw the truck that could right across the parking lot, but that guy was on his lunch break. Lol So we just talked for a while until he got a call for a guy that locked his keys in his car. After I asked the guy how he intended on picking the door, he told me I should go with him to find out. So I jumped in the truck, and rode around with AAA for a while. :P After that job, we went back to my car. Now the other guy was off his lunch, and offered to finally tow Blurps back to L.A. Had a fun time riding with the second AAA guy too. When we finally got back to my place, my mom came out looking kind of pissed. I was thinking... oh great, this is going to be bad. Then here comes the best part... the entire time the AAA dude was unloading my car, he kept telling my mom what a great daughter she had. LOL I could tell my mom couldn't decided between whether if she should be mad or happy about me.
By the time I heated up some dinner (didn't have anything to eat at all before this point), it was around 10:00 pm. Watched the rest of Big Wednesday while eating. Then I enjoyed my last Djarum outside in the chilly night, took a tablet of zoldpidem tartrate, and went to sleep. | | |
|
